I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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