is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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