i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
