these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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