I can tuck mytits in my pants
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
