toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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