i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
