I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Still dying that you shit outside
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
