Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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