alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
