Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
