haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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