it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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