Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
