omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
