I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
