dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
