I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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