shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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