My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
