textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you had me at cake vodka
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
