if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
ttyl tear gas
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
