I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
