he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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