My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
