i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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