it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
