I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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