Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
