What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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