i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
