This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
