Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
