im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
