Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
