DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
