yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
