I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
