his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
