fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
