Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
