non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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