So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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