Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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