I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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