To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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