Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
