You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
