the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
