my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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